WORST TV DRAMA – THE VIEW
BEST CATFIGHT – Paris Hilton & Shanna Moakier
BEST NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE – Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock.
WORST COMMERCIAL – HeadOn headache remedy
BEST EDWARD R. MURROW IMPERSONATOR – Keith Olberman
BEST NEWCOMER – Jennifer Hudson
WORST BOOK – JUNIOR by Macaulay Culkin. In the intro he so accurately states: “I am not a writer.”
BEST NEW MYSTERY WRITER – Jesse Kellerman
BEST PLAY – HISTORY BOYS
WORST MOVIE FROM A PLAY – HISTORY BOYS
BEST REPORTER'S QUESTION TO A CELEBRITY – Meatloaf, promoting his new CD in June, was asked if he had ever rolled around in his own feces. That's how you win the Pulitzer!
WORST ANOREXIC – Nicole Richie
BEST GYLLENHAAL -- Maggie
BEST COMEBACK – Senator Joe Lieberman
WORST COMEBACK – Rocky Balboa
BEST YOUTUBE VIDEO -- Brokeback to the Future
WORST DEFENSE OF A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER – Long time Penn State coach, Joe Paterno defended an opponent player accused of sexual assault by saying, “He may not have known what he was getting into… a cute girl knocks on the door. What do you do?
BEST TRAILER – SPIDERMAN 3
BEST SURVIVING MEMBER OF THE WHO – Roger Daltry
BEST DVD – SIX FEET UNDER
WORST DVD – MAMA’S FAMILY
BEST BOBBLEHEAD DOLL – Canada litigator, Sheila Block of Torys LLP.
BEST FIRST HALF OF A MOVIE – THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
WORST ASSHOLE – Mel Gibson
BEST ANTI-SEMITE – Mel Gibson
BEST MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL MARKETING PROMOTION -- The Altoona Curve held “Frivolous Lawsuit Night”.
BEST STAND-UP COMEDIAN -- Lewis Black
BEST RADIO STATION – XM’s 60’s on 6.
WORST RADIO STATION – New York’s Jack-FM
WORST CASTING IDEA – An Indian film director is trying to persuade Paris Hilton to play the role of young Mother Teresa.
BEST NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER – Jon Miller
WORST NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER – Brent Musburger
WORST SURVIVOR WINNER -- Richard Hatch. Now serving four years in prison for not reporting his million dollar winnings. Guess he didn't realize that the show was televised. 90 more days for being stupid.
BEST PERSONAL APPEARANCE -- Cocaine hoarding/false robbery reporting Boy George sentenced to five days of street sweeping in New York City. If you can make it there...
BEST ACTOR IN A MOVIE – Peter O’Toole
BEST ACTRESS IN A MOVIE – Helen Mirren
BEST OF BILL PAXTON’S WIVES ON “BIG LOVE” – Chloe Sevigny
BEST ACTOR IN A THANKLESS ROLE – Chip Zien as first guy killed in UNITED 93. Spent the rest of the movie on the floor.
BEST HONOR – Me being named TIME MAGAZINE’S “Man of the Year”. I mean, to be singled out like that…wow.