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March 27, 2007



As always, Ken, you're right on the mark. A red flag for me:"Yep... I've pretty much got the rights to Tonya Harding's life story wrapped up."

The Captain

The only reason I need a partner is to keep me motivated. And, there are parts of my back I am unable to reach and wash.My friend's lover promised she can get Billy Bush to look at our spec. Oh, wait, I think I got that mixed up.The most important thing is to not step on each others toes...so, what color ascot will you be wearing to Starbucks tomorrow?Dick Van Dyke? You mean the guy from Diagnosis Murder?I discovered script writing as a thing to do on the computer besides porn.We can write at my place until the home incarceration cuff comes off.I am working on a project based on my family called, “The Felons Who Won’t Move Out of My Basement.”Can you type? Or would you prefer I write everything longhand using the blood of orphans?I'm terrified of pickles. Really, really terrified.

davids schwartz

You can't explain funny. It just is. And that column is! Laughed out loud more than once.

Rory L. Aronsky

Ok let's hurry this up. My mom's waiting outside.

Michael Zand

OR: ...I need some help to flesh out the details but it's about how the holucaust was just a big hoax...

Willy B. Good

I find Dennis Miller very funny now too now that he has died his hair and beard trying to look like a hip Bert Reynolds

la guy

I'm just doing this for some pocket money until my directing career takes off.My parents gardener is the cousin of the nanny for Spielberg's ex-wife and he says she can get him the script... so I've got that going for me.Believe me, I talk to a lot of successful writers when I'm serving latte's at Starbucks, and I'm just a smart as they are.

Tom Quigley

Just remember when you attend one of those things: When you write with a partner, you're not only writing with that partner, you're writing with every other person that partner ever wrote with....


I stopped reading when I was distracted by the Naomi Watts picture.


The biggest warning sign was the unintentional one:Tomorrow: my weekly AMERICAN IDOL review/autopsy.


Great column. I loved the part about the "Ellen" spec...I just talked to someone who wants to be a writer, and asked if she can still use her "Dharma and Greg" spec. Um, no. If you want to be a writer, why not write a new spec?argh. that annoys me more than someone writing in starbucks any day.


"I'd like you to meet my love interest: Yoko."


"I get most of my ideas from the voices in my head."

Todd Everett

How long have I fucking been writing? Fuck knows. But I guess it was, fuck, I dunno, some fucking time around the end of last fucking year or some shit.You'd turn down David Mamet as a writing partner?


"I really think the time is right for another Inspector Gadget movie.""I don't really want a writing partner, but my sponsor thinks I should have one.""Don't worry -- it's not contagious... and these are just paper cuts.""Trust me."


I enjoy writing.Writing can be fun.Writing relaxes me.

Tom Quigley

"I'm Mel Gibson's anger management coach, and -- Hey! Where are you going?"...


Too Ken and all the previous commenters - those were all hilarious! And to the captain - I do actually enjoy old Diagnosis Murder re-runs . . . but yes, I do also know what came before

Emily Blake

"I have this really awesome story about my childhood and it's the best story you've ever heard. I've never actually written a screenplay before, but that's where you come in."


I smoke, I curse, and I do do my best work after 2:00am. Christ, you just made me want to slit my wrists, Mr. Ken Levine.


Very funny post.I met a writing partner once at the unemployment office. Oops. We wrote a spec "Happy Days" that got read at the show, and rejected for reasons I didn't see coming then, but understand now.It was about Fonzie getting drafted, and his friends helping evade the army. (No, we didn't use faking being gay. It was 1976.)We were told, "Fonzie is a role model. He can't defraud the army or even want to evade the draft. He's a hero."This biker-thug was a role model? News to me, and of course, I was a big draft-protester and saw his actions as being those of a role model.And they say the media is liberal-biased.

Mary Stella

Sadly, those are better come on lines than I heard at my speed dating event.Kidding. I don't speed date. I believe in slowly torturing myself by dragging out truly awful dates. That makes for much funnier stories when I tell my friends.Ken, you could incorporate a speed partner event in your writing room seminar.Looking forward to your Idol recap! I already wrote mine and always like to see if we found the same things bizarre. *g*


All I have is the title. Basic Instinct 3.

MaryAn Batchellor

Write? Well, I'm a fast learner.


OR: ...I need some help to flesh out the details but it's about how the holucaust was just a big hoax... Thought big Mel would be able to afford to hire someone for that gig.cheersDave

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    Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.
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