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October 23, 2007



Well, technically Coco Crisp's real name is Covelli.(Just doing my bit to ruin another fun entry by pointing out one minor flaw in order to make myself feel smart)PS Go Sox!


So no "fore-eyes" jokes, eh? What about "eagle-eyes?"

A. Buck Short

Ken, you will have to advise, is it inappropriate to still jump on Viva Laughlin here -- because most of our gallant group is unlikely to time travel back, even a day? Even with a long post like I suspect this is going to be. But I’ve had just about enough.44 Viva Laughlin comments yesterday,and not so much as a mention of HUDSON HAWK!Whatsamattayoupeople! How soon we forget. Am I the only one who got off on that Bruce Willis, er, “vehicle" by just thinking of it as camp – although maybe not in the way it was intended? You gotta know the back-story. James Coburn’s memorable performance in HH was nothing less than an homage to Lee Marvin’s vocal stylings in PAINT YOUR WAGON. I liked JC – especially in Paul Schrader’s “Affliction.” But then I liked everying in “Affliction.” Still, in my mind, about 50% of everything Coburn ever did was an homage to Lee Marvin.And I’m sorry, but here’s a little spoiler. There already was a CSI: LAUGHLIN. David Caruso was in HUDSON HAWK. I think the concept must have had its genesis during a scene in the NYPD BLUE locker room, where Sipowicz turns to Kelly and says, “Stop looking at my ass.” Then Bochco suggests, “Why just talk about it when you can sing it?” As far as the current effort is concerned VL (or “45” as those of us with classical training like to call it) is just another case of Melanie Griffith’s anti-stentorian yet non-dulcet tones going under-appreciated. Boy, can that woman belt out a number! She's every bit the showrunner on VIVA LAUGHLIN that Sandra Bernhard was in HUDSON HAWK. But truth be told, don’t you always feel a little bit like a pedophile just listening to her? I’m with you Ken, as long as Sandra Bernhard continues never doing comedy, I’m in lo…….. Wait. What the hell am I saying!I see nothing wrong with casino owners, blackjack dealers, police detectives and emergency rescue teams spontaneously combusting into song. Did anybody else’s mother ever react to something like that by exclaiming, “Oh such a voice. He could be a cantor.” Well mine said that -- about Pavarotti. Prompting the question, “Ma, the guy makes 120 million a year – why the f would he want to be a cantor?”Now watch this segue. So help me this isn’t just for the set up. I’m sitting here with my jury summons. Here’s the plan you've given me to get excused DURING the trial – and to spring the other 11 jurors to boot. Taking a page from yesterday's discussion, I organize our jury box into a hip Cop Rockian Choir —complete with robes donated. Hizzonor enters the courtroom, and we get all George Schlattery with “Here come da judge, here come da judge. Order in da courtroom, here come da judge.” (Homage to Pigmeat Markham.) We then introduce the new game show, “You be da Judge” staring Eubie Blake (get it?) as da judge. One production number converts Blake’s “You were Meant for Me” into “You were Meant for Jail.” At various inappropriate points, still early in the proceedings, we rise, breaking into songs like Randy Newman’s “Guilty. ” Just like I think I remember a Cop Rock jury doing – except, I think they had substitute lyrics that Newman probably contributed. Gyrations extra. That ought to at least be good for a mistrial within the first 15 minutes.Wait a minute, this thread reminds me of an even better court punking. We enter the courtroom “Jersey Boying” Sam Butera and the Witnesses.Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s 2:30 here and I have to break to watch "Is Malibu Burning?" on the Nightline repeat. You just know it's California, when before they decide whether to evacuate you, FEMA first is required to ask if you're S.A.G. What do you expect, moving into a gated community named Rancho Inferno, and the realtor says the most important thing about the place is location, location, and the location they'll evacuate you to -- sadly having to leave your dog Freckles? I only pray to God that Suzanne Somers was able to fully reconstruct her house before it burnt down a second time. But that's just me.Seriously, I hope everyone’s OK.PS Ken, Flomax? I’ve got a prostate as big as the Texas sky, but who wants to treat that particular area of the body with a drug named after that Olympic hurdler? At least that’s what I think her name was? Hurdle and prostate are not two words pleasant to associate with each other.

A. Buck Embarassed

Wow. Really should have actually watched a national newscast before being so glib about the fires. Until now, I've been working and hadn't even seen the local coverage out here in Dallas. Only those local teasers where you're informed that "Brad" is heading out to California not only to get in the way but to report back -- because we people in Texas (and 49 other states) are too dumb to understand somebody not from here telling ud the wind is blowing and fire burns things. You get so used to a weather guy flying 1,000 miles to needlessly tie himself to a tree in another state's hurricane, you can't believe it's anything more than a wolfcry this time either.Really scary and, of course, devastating -- even for the fabulously wealthy. And btw, don't you appreciate the teasers within the local newscasts, where at each break they tell you "news" like "Later, we'll tell you how you can make your car run better." After 4 of those, the last story of the cast is something like "Put some gas in it, and fill up the tires."At one time in the distant past, do I recall correctly that they didn't tease on TV. Then even when they did, the billboard itself did contain some actual facts or general information. And then during the newscast they actually gave you more detailed news on it? Now if they use up any of the actual alleged news in the billboard, when the time comes, they've got no news.


His rookie season, Braves pitcher John Smoltz tried to iron out wrinkles in his jersey while he was in it. He burned his chest. This makes him sound like an idiot, but Smoltzie is a really smart guy. Listen to his interviews. He just did something stupid. We all do stupid things sometimes.

John Royal

My favorite is from several years, and I think it was Richie Sexson, still with the Brewers, who wrenched his neck trying to put on his cap for his team photo.


Ken,I saw your photo of Pedro Guerrero and I thought I'd share this:http://thebiglead.com/?p=2817Ever thought about doing a sitcom with Pedro?

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    Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.
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