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December 13, 2005



Of course the last season of 24 was so massively implausible they might as well have had Jack fighting laser belching cyborg Dinosaurs. If I were to write a 24 Spec script I'd include a. at least five scenes were Jack absolutely has to torture someone. This time however they're all people who teased him at school and he's just pretending they're terror suspects just for the hell of it.b. Several exciting "someone's trying to block our access to secure sector J" moments. Remember kids, typing equals tension. C. Jack repeatedly getting suspended for his loose cannon antics and then getting reinstated. Ideally five times before the first commercial break. Lather, rinse, repeat. Repeat!d. A scene where Cheri Palmer, now undead, patiently explains to David in her spectaculatly creepy voice that she had to drop the babies in the vat of acid. "I did it for you, Day-viddd." e. A scene in which it's revealed that Driscoll's dead schizophrenic daughter has revived as an MK ULTRA cyborg assasin. She's now CTU's ultimate weapon and can be dropped into terrorist controlled territory (most of North Hollywood it seems) where she'll slaughter everything in sight before breaking down and asking Mom if she really loves her...f. Kim Bauer gets kidnapped by a mysterious masked man who tries to kill her using an absurd Rube Goldberg device. Jack must form an uneasy alliance with some midget gangsters in order to save her.


This post may be the funniest thing I've read all year. But I still say there's room for both a reanimated Hitler cameo AND a "Jack Bauer Saves Christmas" special. Just after "Hugh Laurie's Fun House" (where he gives up this torturous American acting lark and goes back to being one of Britain's funniest men). Come on Fox!


Wow. Funny stuff.


I keep waiting for you to post some "critical comments" on the most amazing "actor" currently on primetime TV - David Caruso.His performance (and the singular is correct here, he gives the exact same performance every week) on "CSI: Miami" makes me wonder if he took acting lessons from William Shatner. At the very least they both must have gone to the same "inflection workshop." Wow.

The Moviequill

just my luck I'll get to do the 'sleeping' hoursINT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHTJack snorts, rolls over and farts.


Great post.


I think you are all just jealous!

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    Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.
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